Monday, February 28, 2005

Drink, drank, drunk 

I'm not exactly a single malt beginner, but I still found this site very useful. Oh, my picks of the month are Bowmore and Balvenie DoubleWood 12 year.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

春一番 - Difference and Repetition 

1. If we could somehow resurrect Elvis (that is, assuming he's really dead)...

and attach Atau's Magic Hand Thingamajig...

to The King's pelvis in order to trigger soundfiles...

Kim 'I'm too sexy for Gestural Theater' Cascone would be a few quick gyrations away from unemployment!

2. Does anyone else out there think that this guy...

Looks like the beefcake 2000 version of this guy? (I WISH this was my idea. Check this comment for the credit!)

3. If this philosophical fellow...

were in Tokyo tonight, would he...

a) go shopping and paint the town pink with the 'Universal Symbol of the Brand' or would he...

b) put a gun in his mouth and paint the town red?

Sunday, February 20, 2005



Saturday, February 19, 2005

Please Kim Jong, don't hurt 'em!!! 

In case you were wondering, Kim Jong Il is SOOO cool. Just how cool is he? Well, my research shows that he as AT LEAST as cool as...wait for it...MC HAMMER.

Naturally, they are both good at pumping up the crowd. But there is a lot more than that. As you can see from this pic, DJ ILL has very, VERY fly shades just like HAMMER. You can't touch this!

Also, MC Kim's pearly-whites are all in a row. He and HAMMER have that in common too.

Yeah, and I think both of them are using the FLOWBEE to cut their hair, cuz their blades are just plain KICKIN', right? Too legit... Too legit to quit!

On top of that (and here's where things get a little freaky), the Lil'Kim puppet from TEAM AMERICA...

...looks strikingly similar like the MC HAMMER doll from back in the day.

It is also interesting to note that MC HAMMER was featured in TIME MAGAZINE about 15 years ago for, among other things, busting killer moves. This week, KJI-ONE is featured in TIME ASIA for...well...busting killing moves. In fact, he about to break em off somethin Proper!

Finally, MC HAMMER, after declaring bankruptcy in 1997, publicly announced that he would take responsibility for his past actions and from now on would use his musical talents, such as they are, to praise God and emphasize traditional family values. So in the end he became a Mjollnir incarnate by learning to say "YES" to the man upstairs.

But it looks like MIXMASTER KIM JONG IL went the other way. After also declaring bankruptcy for his country, he is seeking aid from Japan thru nuclear coercion. Now, in an effort to reform, he is at least using his political talents, such as they are, by learning to say "NO" to the devil. Hey, let's get it started! Now if we could just get him to drape himself in some bling-bling, all would be right with the world...



P.S. We got to pray just to make it today!

Eco pontificates on McLuhan 

Is it scientifically productive to read McLuhan? An embarrassing problem, because you have to take care not to liquidate in the name of academic common sense someone who writes the Canticle of Sister Electricity. How much fertility is concealed behind this perpetual intellectual erection?

The popular success of his thought is due to this very technique of nondefinition of terms and to that cogito-interruptus logic that has given such cheap celebrity also to the Apocalyptics...In this sence McLuhan is right: Gutenbergian man is dead, and the reader seeks in the book a message at low definition, in which to find hallucinatory immersion. At this point isn't it better to watch television?

That television is better than Sedlmayr is beyond any doubt. With McLuhan, things are different. Even when they are merchandised in a jumble, good and bad together, ideas summon other ideas, if only to be refuted. Read McLuhan; but then try to tell your friends what he says. Then you will be forced to choose a sequence, and you will emerge from the hallucination.

From Umberto Eco's 1967 essay "Cogito Interruptus"

Friday, February 18, 2005

Marx and Engles 

Marx: So what do you think about the new webpage design?

Engles: I dunno, pretty cool I guess.

Marx: Yeah, I like the 'daring' color scheme and all.

Engles: Word.

Marx: But you know...

Engles: Hummm?

Marx: I feel like something's missing?

Engles: What one earth could be missing? Kid's pretty much got all his bases covered.

Marx: No, that's not what I mean.

Engles: Then what DO you mean?

Marx: For some reason, I think an "Add to shopping cart" button seems to be implied from the overall aesthetic of the webpage.

Engles: Oh, good. I wasn't the only one that was thinking it!

Marx: No, no. I was SO feelin' you on that one, player!

Engles: Yeah, let's go get some マッコリ.

Marx: Now you're talkin'...

(and so on and so forth)

Thursday, February 17, 2005



Wednesday, February 16, 2005







Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Vice, vice, baby? 

What Vice Magazine really needs to publish is a handy-dandy guide on the different ways in which folks who don't 'get' Vice can get it, got it? After that should naturally follow an issue explaining why the folks at Vice think that the folks over here in Japan MUST get it...even if they actually get it or not. I mean, these very American cultural identity/teenage angst problems are めんこい and all, but I mean, come on! Some how I get the feeling that swallowing this much of hyper-real America (a la Umberto Eco) is gonna hurt us a whole lot more than it's gonna hurt them. But hey, isn't that what hierarchies are for?

First date? 

Hi there D o u g l a s A. M a r t i n.

Monday, February 14, 2005


A year ago today (more or less) on glitchslaptko

What the hell am I wearing? 

A few weeks ago, I was doing some shopping in Shibuya when I was suddenly approached by a stylish young Japanese girl [insert joke here] with a camera. She asked if she could take my picture. A little wary, I said sure, if she would tell just me why she wanted MY picture. She smiled, gave me her card, and said in broken English that she was a photographer for FRUITS. She used a lot of Japanese superlatives while telling me that she was into my fashion (don't ask what I was wearing, but I'll at least tell you I was very 'festive'), and wanted to photograph me for their upcoming issue on Tokyo mens's fashion. I was flattered, elated in fact, and told her that she was quite welcome to do as she pleased. She wound up taking about 5 or 6 shots (head, body, lower-body, tead-to-toe, etc.) and then asked me a few questions. The questions were as follows: What's your name? What do you do? What brands are you wearing today? What is your favorite part of Tokyo? What do you think is cool in Tokyo? And so forth. I answered as best I could. Shee thanked me, gave me her keitai email address, and was on her way. I ran into her again the following week on the streek after I was coming out of the movie Pacchigi. She had just gotten back from a shoot in LA. I hope she ran into Brad while she was there. Anyway, drinks are on for next week. My pic - if selected by the editor - will be in their next issue. All is lost.

Recent musical misgivings 

Doubt is a very large component of my mundane, internal dialogue. I've resolved to, from time to time, use these pages to construct a grandstand for the observation of this open-mind(ed) auto-triage. Sorry, but I've no hard and fast answers at this point, only soft and slow ones to foist on you. My cup runneth over...

1. The myth of 'real-time' music

There are two aspects to consider here:

a) the technical, programming side - At the moment I'm not addressing this
b) the theatric, performative side - This has been picked apart by so well by so many people. I'll just add my two-cents worth here.

A scene from the Wizard of Oz comes to mind. Humor me by reading it, OK?

Do not arouse the wrath....

MCU -- Toto at Dorothy's feet -- CAMERA PANS right with him as he runs to
a curtain that hangs near the throne steps --

...of the Great and Powerful Oz! I said --
come back tomorrow!

MS -- The Four -- Dorothy speaks as she looks o.s. to right f.g. -- CAMERA
PULLS back to right to enter the curtain where Toto ran in the b.g. -- it
shakes as Toto starts to pull it back --

If you were really great and powerful,
you'd keep your promises!

Do you presume to criticize the....

MLS -- Toto pulls back the curtain to reveal the Wizard at the controls of
the throne apparatus -- his back to the camera

...Great Oz? You ungrateful creatures!

MLS -- The Four react with fear -- Scarecrow looks o.s. to right -- points
for Dorothy --

Think yourselves lucky that I'm....

LS -- Shooting past the Four at left to the Wizard at the controls of the
throne apparatus -- the Four react as they see him after Dorothy calls
their attention to him --

...giving you audience tomorrow, instead

MS -- The Wizard at the controls -- his back to camera -- he speaks into
the microphone -- he turns, looks o.s. to f.g. and sees that the curtain
is gone -- reacts and turns back to the controls --

...twenty years from now. Oh -- oh oh!
The Great Oz has spoken! Oh -- Oh ---....

LS -- Shooting past the Four at left to the Wizard as he pulls back the
curtain --

... Oh .... Oh ....

MS - The Wizard peers out from behind the curtain -

MS - Tin Man, Lion, Dorothy and Scarecrow react as they look at the Wizard
o.s. to right - Dorothy speaks

Who are you?

MCU - The Wizard peering out from curtain - he ducks back out of sight and
his voice booms out again -

Oh - I - Pay no....

LS -- Shooting past the Four at left to the Curtain in b.g. -- Dorothy
goes over to it and starts to pull it aside --

...attention to that man behind the curtain.
Go - before I lose my temper! The Great and
Powerful ---....

MCS -- Dorothy pulls back the curtain to reveal the Wizard at the controls
-- he reacts as he sees Dorothy -- Dorothy questions him -- the Wizard
starts to speak into the microphone -- then turns weakly back to Dorothy --
CAMERA PULLS back slightly as the Lion, Scarecrow and Tin Man enter and
stand behind Dorothy --

... -- Oz -- has spoken!

Who are you?

Well, I -- I -- I am the Great and Powerful
-- Wizard of Oz.

You are?

Uhhhh -- yes...

I don't believe you!

No, I'm afraid it's true. There's no other
Wizard except me.

MCS -- Dorothy and her three friends react -- Camera shooting past the
Wizard at left -- the Scarecrow and Lion speak angrily --

You humbug!


CS -- Wizard -- shooting past Dorothy, the Lion and Scarecrow -- the
Wizard speaks --

Yes-s-s -- that...that's exactly so. I'm
a humbug!

Oh ....

MCU -- Dorothy -- Tin Man and Scarecrow behind her --

...you're a very bad man!

MCU -- The Wizard reacts, speaks humbly --

Oh, no, my dear -- I'm -- I'm a very good
man. I'm just a very bad Wizard.

...and so on and so forth. Naturally folks like HYPO have gone a long way towards exploding this situation.

2. What kind of music would Webern make if he had to make music with a sampler? I think Roddy Schrock, to name one person I know, will really 'get' what I'm pondering here. (Note for the layperson: Webern's works are terse, and through-composed...in other words, repetiton is minimised.) Another way to phrase this question would be - Why does the technique of sampling seem to be pre-bundled with the concept of multiple repetitions? I propose whoever UN-BUNDLES them will be making a very interesting kind of music. I have a few folks in mind...

3. Getting to the bottom of why Cage so opposed to improvisation in music. We all know that even that the interpersonally Nerf-esque Cage hated two things: vibraphones and improvisation. Well obviously there are PLENTY of reason to hate vibraphones, but why improv? This is a very long and complex issue (aren't they all?), and I really need to speak with Tadashi Usami on this one before I write something I'll wind up regretting in the morning. Suffice it to say that the Cageian modus operandi, in one way or another, was the original pre-digital, pre-algorithmic 'shuffle mode'...Boy, now I'm REALLY in trouble!

Yo mama 

Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!

Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

Yo mama so poor she drives a peanut.

Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.


Go here to get the skinny on the best/worst gangsta rap track to come out of Tokyo in a while...You down with OTA?!? 23-Ku de ichiban oki ze!!!

Happy V-Day from TKO 

Too busy multiplying love to come up with a sure-fire love letter? I know I am. Those busy bees out there will be buzzing when they read about this time-saving service...go here to learn out how to write a (super cheesy) Valentine Day letter in Japanese to your co-worker. This form letter was actually taken from the Japanese Postal Service webpage under the 'letter-writing examples' section. Go figure! Anyway, don't worry about the cheese-factor. It seems to work wonders over here...

How long must we sing this song? 

Would that it be at least sometimes things could be chalked up to serendipity and not fate, but I feel that Marxy and I are indeed star-crossed as of late, at least as far as our socio-political interests are concerned. I was in the middle of indulging in a little musical time-trip back to the year in 1983 with the WAR album by U2 (that's right folks, 22 years ago) when I happened to read the newest neomarxism on the Japanese revolutionary spirit of the 60s lacking a certian je ne sais quoi, nach! I naturally concur. I also see that this is a hard one to triangulate, so the best thing to do might be to enlarge the scope of the conversation a bit, by admitting that almost NONE of the post-WWII student revolutionary movements outside America had a lasting POLICITAL effect. The resonance was mainly sustained in circles of Radical Philosophy (in Paris, Tokyo, and other places). Hey, at least Che is having the last laugh up in rebel heaven (hell?) with his recent stardom in the western cinema, right? In any event, since this is way too long to pass as a neighborly comment on the current thread over on David's blog, I'm posting it here on my blog...mostly for David, but I imagine that there will be a few other people out there who will be looking over our shoulders. Of course fewer still may comment...Anyway, looking forward to taking these and other issues on with you next time over a neat glass of Aberlour, David. By the way, have you seen Pacchigi, yet?

In discussing the direction modern society should take, some people propose the ideal of socialism and others the ideal of the welfare state, but these two are actually one and the same. At the extremity of freedom is the fatigue and boredom of a welfare state; needless to say, at the extremity of a socialist state there is suppression on freedom. With one part of his heart man supports grand social "visions", but then while he proceeds one step at a time, as soon as the ideal seems attainable he becomes bored with it. Each and everyone of us hides within his subconscious mind deep, blind impulses.

These are the dynamic expression of the contradictions filling one's life from moment to moment, a manifestation that has essentially nothing to do with social ideals for the future. In youth these are manifested in their boldest, sharpest form. Moreover, such blind impulses appear in dramatic opposition, even in confrontation with one another. Youth possesses the impulse to resist and the impulse to surrender, in equal measure. One might redefine these as the impulse to be free and the impulse to die. The manifestation of these impulses, no matter how political the form it assumes, is like an electric current that results from a difference in electrical charge - in other words, from the fundamental contractions of human existence...

I believe that the battle over the renewal of the American Security Treaty is one instance of extreme difference in electrical charge. The Security Treaty struggle was politically complex, and the young people who participated in it were simply seeking a cause for which they would be willing to lay down their lives. They were not necessarily goverened by ideology, and their conduct was not founded on their own reading of the text of the Security Treaty. They were trying to satisfy both their inner drives, the drives for resistance and death.

The frustration that followed the failure of the anti-Security Treaty demonstrations was even worse, however. Those who had participated were made to realize that the political movement to which they had devoted themselves was a sort of fiction, that death does not transcend reality, that political achievements provide no satisfaction, that the energy of all their actions had been in vain. Once again the youth in modern Japan received the crushing sentance, "The cause for which you died was not worthwhile."

- Excerpts from Mishima's "Hagakure Nyumon"
And it's true we are immune,
When fact is fiction and T.V. is reality,
And today the millions cry,
We eat and drink while tomorrow they die.
The real battle just begun...

- Lyrics from U2's Sunday Bloody Sunday



Sunday, February 13, 2005



Let your conscious be your guide - A virtual tale of vice 

1. Guide to paying for sex in Japan written by a non-Japanese guy who has never paid for sex in Japan and can't speak Japanese

The blurb: "I invented the Factman character as an amusing cypher for Google [since actually knowing these kind of details from experience isn't cool]; no way could this have been a first-person tale or even investigative journalism. I've never frequented commercial sex establishments in Japan or anywhere else. I've never paid for sex [and therefore I'm a winner]." - Momus

The verdict: Not worth the paper it isn't printed on.

The rant: Hyper-consumers the world over seem to have a soft spot for Googling-dependant 'meta' guides like this in which mostly third person information is arranged in a dazzling, non-experiential array. Why? How can we seethe with jealosy if the guy doing the reporting has never once ventured into the land of milk and honey himself? Very slick. In cases like this, internal dialogues go something like..."Dammit, I wish I'D DONE THAT! But hey, he hasn't either, so at least I can NOT loathe him, right?" Actually, another webpage that deals mostly with third-person cynosure comes to mind, but I've already said what I have to say on it here.

2. Guide to paying for sex in Japan written by several guys (both Japanese and non-Japanese) who have paid for sex innumerable times in the (gasp!) vulgar tongue

The blurb: "The winner at adult service scene wins at love scene, too!" - Japan Pink Salon Research Institute

The verdict: 極楽、極楽!

The rant: What's to blab on about? Spend the day enjoying this very real, first-person sexual-shooter of a site (there are articles with titillating titles like "The empirical analysis about the price formation in the Adult service industry" and "19.19kHz sexual desire resonance effect at the adult service in West-Japan area") and then fly your sorry ass over to Japan and give it a try yourself! Heck, some places even offer 学割!





Saturday, February 12, 2005







Friday, February 11, 2005

Food for thought 

1. NEET sub-culture eclipses 負け犬
2. Big jump in 痴漢 on Japanese trains
3. Article 9 issue very hot
4. Recent article in Asahi Shinbun about 'Paris Sickness' among women
5. Death penalty is not only legal in Japan, the information as to who is put to death, how, and how many is kept secret by the Japanese govt. (!!!)

Thursday, February 10, 2005



Press release and all...REDUX 

Thanks for a good night of conversation and drinks, nigga. Next time, the single malt is totally on you, kiddo! Anyway, in case anyone was wondering, the main thing that is wonderfully fucked up about David's new release (other than the fact that he and I figured out all the things we need to do in order to have a totally sober aesthetic) is the fact that this puppy isn't a second longer than the average American attention span for a pop album (i.e. it is around 20 min. long). I hope that you enjoy it as much as I did/do!


(If you soggy tongues out there have that much love for me, why bother reading this blog in the first place? Geeez...)

Kiss and a half to the Geba crew!!! Marxy 4 Ever!!!

Word-and-a-half X 2,


P.S. 省略





Wednesday, February 9, 2005

A rare bird 


Take a walk on the wild side! 

Surely even Momus must have (ages ago) reached that ticklish crux at which the frenetic level of engery that is required to perform back-to-back genuflective cultural apologetics as may be found in his recent Staying Foreign in Japan and The Japanese [and I] are Almost Japanese (both pennings are apparently part of a long-range, clandestine effort to maintain his own 'situatedness' - a gemütlichkeit-rich ensconcement well to the left on the 'uncanny valley') becomes LESS than the level of energy that would actually be required to make the effort to increase his xenomorphic verisimilitude by LEARING (as opposed his recent obsession with 'unlearning' Japan), and thus make incremental progress out of the valley...of the shadow of cultural death. Won't the most radical form of ostranenie be found somewhere nearer to the 'almost fully Japanese' section of the continuum than not? On your quest for true otherness, fear not, Nick!

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